


First Day Of School

by PassmetheJames10



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Everyone Is Gay, Fun trash, M/M, Sergio needs to let the baes get together, Suarez is a good friend, basically trash, disappointing trash, everyone likes James, so is Marcelo, sorrynotsorry, trashy trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-21 23:54:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 5,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6062893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PassmetheJames10/pseuds/PassmetheJames10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First days aren't bliss for cute,shy Colombians who stutter and have the cutest face and the most adorable-okay I'm ranting...sorry..</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

> First ever Fanfic on this wedsite.  
> Save the hate for later.  
> But love will be accepted.

First day at school isn't a thing one looks forward to.

New place,new people;new bullies 

Now standing in front of this huge,gigantic building,James wondered how he even got here.A few weeks ago said Colombian was back in Colombia,living a normal life but then Mister Rodriguez-Doctor Rodriguez for you-thought it would be a good idea to move his clinic to California-meaning moving his whole goddamn family to the United States of America.

So now here he was,in front of a bigass school,looking at a big ass that walked in through that big ass gate.

Mhh~Dat booty.

.

Iker was a serious man.

It irritated David to the highest.

How can one be so cute and serious at the same time?

It was not like David had a huge-ass crush on Iker since grade 5 and was hopelessly trying to win the Spaniards heart.

Pfft-what?No~

...

Okay maybe yes...

But like I wrote 2 lines ago;'hopelessly'....unless my grammar's a b*tch and I used this in the wrong context.

Though it was still hopeless 

Beyond hopeless.

All because of Sergio Ramos

That Sevillan sex-god from Spain.

So when David would try and talk to Iker for more than two minutes,Sergio would appear out of no where and casually sling his arm around Iker and take said Spaniard away with him.

It was saddening.

.

Cristiano has never fallen in love.

Yeah,there was Irina and now there's that Jenner chick who he likes to stalk on twitter cause she has a nice camera and big tits but that's not love.

Never has he felt his heart beat fast nor has he felt the feeling of his brain going in melt down because he just saw a̶ ̶s̶e̶x̶y̶ ̶m̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶f̶*̶c̶k̶e̶r̶ the most beautiful person ever.

But life being the b*tch it is,thought it's be funny to make him see said sexy motherf*cker-I mean beautiful person walk through the school doors

Suddenly everything around him seemed absolutely pointless and the hair on the back on his neck stood while his palm were oddly sweaty.

That boy that stood right in front of his locker was ridiculously gorgeous.Brown hair,chocolate brown eyes,he was magnificent.

Though his thoughts were interrupted by a familiar Brazilian accent.

''Ey! Cris! heads up!!''

Days like these he wanted to murder Marcelo with his own hands.

.

He was standing like a normal person,in front of a normal locker,with his eyes scanning who seemed to be normal people;when he got smacked in the face by a unknown object that seemed to bounce off his face and hit the floor and so did he.

And now he was on the floor with a throbbing head and his eyes barely open.

Aren't first days just the greatest?~

.

Neymar was casually walking down the hallway when he came across a man on the floor.

That was new.

''You okay?''he coolly asked or asked coolly-whatever floats your boat.

''Perfect.''the dude on the floor replied,cracking one of his brown eyes open to see the boy standing in front of him.

Neymar said no more and extended his hand to help the poor guy though he did look quite cute there with his hair disheveled and his shirt untidily showing some of his stomach.

And the kid didn't refuse.

Maybe Neymar could use a friend.


	2. Day 1 [2]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James thinks he has a friend,Cristiano thinks he has a crush,Sergio thinks he has a boyfriend,Iker thinks he has a sandwich,David thinks he has a chance and Neymar thinks he has nice hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know~two chapters in one day?   
> Though I'll try and update everyday~

First class wasn't so amazing for James.

The teacher called him 'Jaymz' instead of 'Ha-mez' which was quite frustrating and disappointing.

Then he was seated next to a f*cking huge-ass Swedish man by the name of 'Zlatan' who only grunted as a reply.

"Zlatan"-in James' books-was terrifying.

Then every time the teacher would ask a question she expected James to be supper mega mind genius with the goddamn answer.

But in the end 4 classes had passed and it was time for lunch break.

Now if you have a squad or a group of friends you'd be okay with shit like this but no,not for James.

Standing in the midst of hormonal teenagers,our extremely adorable Colombian had no where to sit.

Hah.Join a American education systems they said....It'll be fun they said....

.

Since morning Cristiano had only thought about the beautiful boy that stood in front of his locker.

His locker.

He suddenly started having respect for that locker.

Such a great locker.

He was thankfully taken out of his trance by a plastic fork being poked into his cheek.

''damn bro,how are your cheeks so soft?''

Marcelo.

His new enemy.

''You know what should have been soft? that ball you shot on the kids face.''Cristiano grumbled,earning a cheeky grin from the Brazilian.

Marcelo scooted closer and acted like he was gonna say the most funniest shit on planet Earth.

''Looks like someone has a crush.''

Cristiano's realizations were fat.

He found out about that when they came tumbling down on him.

.

All Iker wanted was to eat his lunch in peace but no,life had to be a b*tch.

''Hola Iker!~''

RIP sandwich.

Sergio grinned at the straight faced Spaniard and sat on the other side of the table with his eyes glimmering with joy.

''Hola''Iker replied talking out his sandwich from his backpack.

Wrong move.

''Ramos! over here!'' yelled Fabio from another table not too far away and Sergio replied by waving his hand in the air as a 'hold up b*tch papa needs the booty' cause lets face it,he did.

Swiftly,the Sevillian got up and reached out to take the Spaniards sandwich and planted a small peck on said sandwich-less Spaniard's cheek as he said a short goodbye,leaving a confused and hungry Iker.

Hungry cause he now had nothing to eat and Confused because no one pecks someone on the cheek like that.

Especially when they'e dudes and just friends.

.

Neymar had walked into the crowded cafeteria to spot a panicking James standing near the door.

''you 'kay?'' Neymar asked adjust his snapback and pulling his Harem pants down a bit for the sake of gangsta-ness cause he was oh-so gangsta.

''Si.''James stated,staring at the rest of the cafeteria.

Neymar sighed and grabbed James' wrist tugging him forward

''Come on dipshit.'' he said,pulling a confused James with him to a near by table.

But what the two didn't see was a questioning and angry Cristiano glaring from across the room at the duo.

.

Iker had been staring blankly into the distance when David came to sit next to the Spanish teen.

''Hello?~''David asked,waving his hand in front of Iker's face but the Spaniard only threw a glace at the Englishman.

''Hola.''

''Are you okay? you look....distracted...''

''Eh.''

David sat down in front of Iker and began opening his box of pasta,only to see Iker looking at his pasta enviously.

''Want some?''he asked,smiling at Iker-secretly hoping for a yes.

Iker looked up to meet the Brits gaze and let a tiny smile tug his lips.

''Sure.''

And David grinned while pushing the box to the center of the table and handed Iker an extra fork.

Maybe he had a chance.

''So why were you so distracted?''

''Nothing much,Sergio just kissed me.''

Scratch that.

.

''What I'm trying to say is that your hair is just surprisingly...different.''

James and Neymar had been in a heat conversation about the Brazilian's hair and it seemed as if Neymar had been winning.

''You mean,differently perfect.''

James chuckled.

''No but fine,you win,it's pointless arguing with you.''

Neymar grinned and took a sip of his apple juice.

''it's okay,yours aren't too bad either''

James could only offer a smile.

''Though your eyes are much prettier.''

That smile turned into a grin.

.

In a galaxy far far away,there sat a Portuguese,planing on making the g̶a̶y̶e̶s̶t̶ most successful plan ever,to make a certain Colombian his.

And Yoda wished him luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who new I could write another chapter?   
> And some parts were pointless.  
> Tho hope you liked it and don't forget to comment~


	3. Day 1 [3]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James finds Iberians hot and Iker is one confused Spaniard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank those who gave me feedback~  
> And I'll try and go easy on the commas ;)

After school Iker thought it's be safe to walk home alone.

Oh how wrong he was~

''Iker!''

The Spaniard kept his head down and began speed walking.

''Iker wait!''

No.ain't nobody got time for dat.

Suddenly Iker felt a rough hand on his shoulder-making his stop.

''Damn~buddy what's the hurry?''

Iker sighed in frustration and turned around to face the Sevillian ''going home, I have to go to David's house after that so I'm in a hurry.'' he mumbled and buried his hands in his pockets.

It was not everyday you would see a possessive Iberian but Sergio could be one when it came to Iker.

''Why?'' he questioned as he slid his arm around the others waist and began walking.

''We were gonna play Fifa and his Abuela is visiting so I thought I'd say hi'' Iker explained, eyeing the Sevillian suspiciously.

Sergio on the other hand had been gripping Iker's waist tightly though keeping his gaze on the path ahead.

''Well then, I have practice to get to so I'll see you later amo-amigo'' Sergio grinned and abruptly stopped, letting go of Spaniard. ''I'll call you later though~''

Iker was yet again left confused.

.

''You should join the football team.''

If James would have been drinking any liquid substance he would have spit it out by that statement.

''Why?'' The Colombian questioned, staring wide eyed at the Brazilian.

''You can play right? you're Hispanic of course you can.''

''But why? it's not like they need a player or anything''

Neymar leaned forward from his seat on the bench and sighed.

''Still could try idiota'' he said before getting up.

''where are you going?''

Neymar glanced at James.

''Practice.''

James stayed seated yet watched the Brazilian tower him 

''You coming?''

Maybe it wouldn't hurt to try.

.

''Just go and say hi.''

''Leave him flowers in front of his locker and a note that tells him about your undying love for him.''

''Buy him a condo in Lisbon.''

''Shower him with gifts''

''Love letters work too~''

''Take him out for dinner.''

''How about yo-''

At this point Cristiano had started banging his head against his locker.

He was going no where with this.

It wasn't as if that boy-who's name was James apparently-would walk in through the door and jump into Cristiano' arms and kiss him senseless.

No, of course not.

...

Though that mental image was still satisfying.

''Yo.Cris, coach wants to see you'' Isco said, popping his head up from behind the door to peek inside.

The Portuguese teen nodded and grabbed his jersey shirt before walking outside towards the field.

.

''You sure this is a good idea?'' James asked as the duo stood beside Zinedine.

''Totally, you'll do great.'' Neymar reassured, smiling at the Colombian.

''When's the first match though?''

''Two days from now.''

''Oh great so I-wait.what?! two days?!''

Neymar looked at James like he was dressed in a Banana suit and was running around the block while yelling ''The British are invading!!'' (long story...)

''Yeah, Us vs some other school's team from across town''

James was about to reply but his was cut off by a sexy accent that may or may not have sent shivers down his spine 

''Olá, you asked to see me''

And that is how James discovered why Iberians are the main reasons for boners.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it and sorry if it's boring, I kinda wrote it in a hurry cause I came home late from practice~


	4. And so it begins.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James makes new friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be focusing on CrisMes in this chapter~

So maybe Cristiano had done something good in life.

Something so good that God was blessing him with a chance.

A chance to claim a cute little Colombian that stutters and blushes.

Yeah.

Life was going great for Cristiano.

.

Within the first hour James had already embarrassed himself multiple times.

Like when Marcelo had passed to him he tripped over the ball and fell face first.

Or when he tried to tackle Isco he accidentally fell with him.

And just to top that off the hot Portuguese guy ignored him.

Well not entirely, just didn't do anything further than a polite pat on the back when he tried to do something, other than that he didn't even look his way.

What James didn't know was that Cristiano had his eyes on him all along, he just turned his gaze every time James would look his way.

Not that he intended to be a creepy stalker that looks at his obsession from away or anything he just couldn't actually take his eyes off of James 

Because:

1)He was gorgeous.

2)He was even more gorgeous when his sweaty, golden tan skin was glimmering in the sun.

and 3) because eyes on the prize (I was running out of reasons...)

.

The locker room.

It may have been the best and the worst place for James 

Why?

Because a place with topless, sweaty guys who surly have toned abs was not a place for a adorable gay Colombian to be at.

Then again, it could be the best too.

.

Maybe Cristiano wasn't playing fair.

He may or may not have told all the team members to leave early (kicked them out of the locker room in simpler words) and have quickly stripped down to his boxers just before James entered the locker room.

But his plan had failed when instead of the cute Colombian, the narcissistic Brazilian had walked in.

''Um, Cris?''

''Sim.''

''Porque?''

''Long story.''

''Should I ask about this story?''

''You won't understand.''

''There are a lot of things I can't understand at the moment''

''Like?''

''Why there's no one here besides you...and where's James?''

''Um...''

''Did I just hear my name''

The Colombian in question had peered his head out from the shower-shampoo still remaining in his hair.

Cristiano looked bewildered, 'How did he get there?' he thought and started replaying the whole scenario in his head.

Neymar on the other hand looked as if he had been given the biggest shock of his life.

''Hold on.'' he finally spoke after 30 minutes of gaping at the duo, ''You two'' he pointed his fingers at the two and in a split second his shocked face had a shit eating grin on it.''James you naughty boy'' he giggled, walking backwards out the door while keeping his eyes on Cristiano and James.

James had no idea what was happening but from the look on Cristiano's face it seemed as if the Portuguese had understood and was blushing a surprisingly deep shade of red.

James said no more and quietly went back to his shower.

.

Cristiano slammed shut his rooms door, ran to his bed and cannon balled in-burring his face in the midst of pillows.

Not that he wanted to forget what happened at the locker room.

He was just currently in the state of fanboying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I might add Past!Isco x Alvaro   
> Thoughts?


	5. Day 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronaldo feels like he's on cloud 9 and Iker thinks tea tastes nice with scones which makes David feel like one lucky Brit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DESCULPA!!!   
> Sorry I couldn't post~I was busy with football practice ^.^

Life-as quoted by me-Is a Bitch.

A giant 'Bitch.'

And I'm not even gonna censor that cause it's that big of a bitch.

Why?-you ask

Because currently, Iker-a proud Spaniard-was sitting with-

The British.

Not that he minded that, it was just the only thing they talked about was tea, baked goods and fish and chips-which by all means did not entertain Iker at all.

David however, was by far having a pretty good time because other than Garth Bale there was no one else he could talk to about the things he was interested in.

Like knitting.

But out of the whole conversation, one thing made David the happiest man on Earth.

The part was where Iker was offered scones by his grandmother and he spoke the words David believed in with a passion.

> I think scones taste nice with tea, so I kinda like it when David makes some.

Pure bliss for the prideful Brit.

.

Cristiano had woken up in a good mood, his little brother Junior had jumped on his bed and yelled a gleeful ''BOM DIA CADELA'' and kissed his cheek before finally snuggling up to Cristiano.

Then the two had made breakfast-together- for their mother who was stilling sleeping because of her meds.

And then like a rocket, Cristiano ran out of the house-yelling a short goodbye.

But the main point was that he got to catch a glimpse of James walking into school with his sister Daniela.

.

Texting in class is said to be bad.

Neymar couldn't care less.

Brazilianbooty:Oi.bitch.

Colombiancutie:Si~

Brazilianbooty:What class are you in?

Colombiancutie: Maths :( 

Brazilianbooty:Pfft-good luck  
Brazilianbooty:You coming to practice today?

Colombiancutie:Do I have a choice....

Brazilianbooty:Not really.no

Colombiancutie:Who are we playing against anyways?

Brazilianbooty:Juventus.might I warm you child thou shan't talk to thy Isco on that match.

Colombiancutie:Porque? 

Brazilianbooty:His old boytoy plays for that team so yeah....

Colombiancutie:Ahh~I see   
Colombiancutie:Shheeeet I gtg~talk to you at lunch Ney~

Brazilianbooty:Sure.tchau.

.

No one reads the school rules.

Cause the first few rules are mainly about no usage of cell phones in the middle of a lecture.

But who gave a shit?

Pomegranatefucker:I'll pay you 10 boxes of brigadeiros if you can get me James' number and sexuality.

Footballfucker:What size are these boxes?

Pomegranatefucker:Just do it plz.

Footballfucker:don't go Nike/Shea la bouf (<<or however you write that name) on me....

Pomegranatefucker:POR FAVOR!!

Footballfucker:One phone number and Colombian sexuality coming right up!

.

Again.Fuck the rules.

SpanishPaella:I need a plan

FreckledBella:que?

SpanishPaella:A plan. to ask Iker out.

FreckledBella:Ahhh, why?

SpanishPaella:CAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH SAN IKER 

FreckledBella:Oh....congrats?

SpanishPaella:......

.

Seriously, does no one see this happening?!

Brazilianbooty:I think I have a crush....

Argentinianbuttchin:On what?

Brazilianbooty:A human.

Argentinianbuttchin:No shit. but why?

Brazilianbooty:Cause he's a personification of a puppy.

Argentinianbuttchin:So you have a crush on a puppy.

Brazilianbooty:NO! a human but he's adorable!

Argentinianbuttchin:And you're telling me this because.....?

Brazilianbooty:.......

.

I'm not even gonna say anything now

Footballfucker:Oi.is James gay?

Otherpomegranatefucker:With that smile we all wish he is.

Footballfucker:So is that a yes?

Otherpomegranatefucker:More like a idk.

Footballfucker:Wow...thanks Pepe...

.

And so Marcelo asked everyone in school if they knew about James' love for dicks yet no one knew.

Until.

''Aye! Yo! James! You gay?!''

Said Colombian looked up from his book and smiled at Marcelo 

''Yeah, why?''

Mission accomplished.

 


	6. but what about my bae?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni finds a new friend, James gets smiles from sex-gods and Fernando's a smart piece of shit.

Toni was never the type to believe in 'conversing' with new people. 

Not that he wasn't a fun guy, of course he was fun, he was a German who could probably get you free beer even when your under-aged  

But the main point was when the most adorable boy he had ever seen came and sat next to him in class he started sweating like a pig and nervously glancing around the room.

Until the boy turned to him.

''Hola'' said boy greeted and stretched out his arm to shake hands with Toni, and Toni did so.

''Hallo''Toni replied hesitantly.

''I'm James Rodriguez, your new classmate''

Outgoing little shit.

''Toni Kroos, the pleasure's mine.'' Toni smiled a bit too this time and released James' hand.

The class was almost full when the bell rung and the teacher walked in with a stern expression that made Toni instantly slide down in his seat.

''Take out your homework everyone.''

Scheiße.

.

Sergio and Fernando had been sitting in the locker room, clearly bunking class because who needs education right?

Little shits.

''I know.'' Fernando suddenly said-momentarily stopping from his entertainment of bouncing the soft ball off the wall in front of him, ''We plan a surprise dinner for him, like candle lit, homemade food, expensive shit we can't afford.''

''Sounds nice but we can't afford stuff like that on our own.''

Instantly a sinister smirk played it's way on Fernando's lips

''But Cris can.''

Hail Freckled Fernando 

.

''Ney and Hammy~sitting in a tree~''

''David please don't.''

''F-U-C-K-I-N-G''

''......''

Since Neymar had admitted that he had a a crush on James, all his friends-as in Marcelo, David Luiz, Kaka and Thiago-were constantly making fun of him.

Mainly cause they all thought they were funny piece of shits and anything they said would be hilarious.

But the thing that made Neymar a bit uneasy was when he told Marcelo about it and the older Brazilian had looked at Neymar as if he had a death wish, but then he just slapped Neymar's back and let out a airy chuckle.

...It was still bugging the Brazilian....

.

After class had ended, James had almost sprinted out the door.

The teacher was indeed terrifying but what was more terrifying was when James was walking to his locker and he caught sight of the tall hot Portuguese guy on the team who he may or may not have nicknamed ''Pastel de Sexy Nata''.

Blame his trashy mind for that.

But back to the point.

The fact that said Portuguese sex-god had actually looked his way and smiled, made him feel like a love-sick teenager, cause that guy seemed like a important guy, like the ones who are cocky and smart and everyone wants a piece of that ass.

And in return James smiled while paying no attention to where he was going.

Resulting in a bloody-nose and a small Colombian sitting on the floor, swearing in Spanish.

Hahaha.love life they said, it's too short they said.....

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'll be adding another ship....*is trashy af*


	7. Lockers are thicc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where lockers are thicc as f

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID NOT EXPECT THIS STORY TO GET 35 KUDOS BECAUSE THIS WAS BASICALLY MY FORM OF TRASH AND I WAS JUST BORED AND OMF WHAT HAVE A CREATED?! so anyways, a lot has happened in the span of 3 months. I visited my sister in America and-yea that's all. 
> 
> I'm a boring person that needs a life.

Lockers were nice.

James did not agree with that.

So as the cute little boy (even though he's practically the age of my elder brother) sat in the nurse's office with tissues stuffed up his nose and a Brazilian laughing their his off because James' pain brought his joy, he realized that life was not on his side and maybe-JUST MAYBE- this was Karma.

"H-How-" Neymar stopped to let out a loud laugh "d-did you-" he laughed out once more "get your n-nose-" at this point the Brazilian couldn't breathe and because of that Jame was losing his cool.

"I bumped into a locker." James grumbled which only made Neymar laugh louder.

The Latin boy groaned and gripped the bridge of his nose tighter.

.

"You guys seen my wallet?"

.

Currently, Fernando and Sergio were out at Pier One to get candles for the dinner Sergio had planned. 

To him, everything seems perfect but in reality it was 4 house till he had told Iker to come to his house and he still hadn't planned food.

Ain't he smart?

"Aye yo, look at this man." Fernando said and pointed out to a box of fairy lights that were on display, "These are lit man."

"Was that a pun-never mind, don't answer that and yea they are; lets buy a bunch and put them on the door way" said Sergio and the two boys grinned at each other.

.

James had finally come out of the office, only to be tackled down by a fat ass he called his sister.

"Danny, get off me." he grumbled but his sister shook her head.

"NO YOU F*CKER! DID YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I GOT ABOUT HOW HURT YOU ARE?! YOU COULD HAVE RIPPED OFF YOUR FACE OF SOMETHING!!"

"I bumped into a locker-"

"YOU COULD HAVE DIED!!!" she wailed and let out sobs as she gripped his arm whilst slipping down on the floor dramatically.

No one was normal here.

NO ONE.

.

While everyone was off doing crazy shit teenagers do cause YOLO, Iker was sitting-NORMALLY- in a library, reading a-NORMAL- book like a NORMAL person unlike he social circle.

The Spaniard liked to keep things simple and always kept himself emotionally and physically prepared for anything which was rare to find in a hormonal teenager.

Maybe the thirst wasn't there yet?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SHORT IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED. but I'll write more later cause im having a shit-ass pain in my back and my soul is bleeding because my mom said I should go craft and I'm in the Phandom so crafting means crying so basically I've been crafting a lot nowadays.
> 
> I also might write Spamano or RinHaru idk something Anime related cause my life needs some kawaii gay drama.


	8. You better check yourself before you wreck yourself.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So much CrisMes your ovaries won't be able to handle it.

"breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe ou-"

"Yo."

"HOLY F*CKING SHIT, WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!

Gosh. let me explain (like fucking always.)

Cris thought doing yoga in school is a f*cking fantastic idea because why the f*ck not-excuse my language, I'm feeling salty today.

And Marcelo thought sneaking up behind a person doing yoga is an even bigger fantastic idea.

Least to say these motherf*ckers were stupid.

"My mothers vagina." Marcelo replied to the question he was asked 4 lines ago.

"Dude."

"okay okay, I was here to tell you something that will make your anus bleed." Marcelo stated, making me cringe.

"oh my god, am I getting raped?" Cristiano yelled - clearly alarmed.

"no no.....well maybe. with that ass, I mean-"

"Get to the point."

"Yea, so Neymar likes James and so does Toni I think because I mean he blushed and I was totally like "omg noooo" and then Isco and me were talking, AND DID YOU KNOW SASHA WAS PERGO?!  LIKE O.M.G-"

"'Celo, where is this going?" the portuguese boy asked and the Brazilian stopped for a second.

"Oh yea, sorry. my inner white chick came out but basically, NEYMAR LIKES JAMES."

"That's not such a bad thin-WHAT?!"

.

And that is how those two ended up skipping a class because I mean who needs education, right?

"Maybe you should just straight up ask him out" Marcelo suggested earning a glare from the taller boy. Marcelo sighed and put a hand on Cristiano's shoulder and said:

"You better check yourself before you wreck yourself."

And that my fellow gay shippers is how Marcelo Vieira said the wisest words he had ever thought.

Cristiano cracked a small smile and nodded lightly at Marcelo, "I have no idea what that means but thanks man."

"Any time amigo, any time."

.

So that brought us here.

While James stood infront of his locker clutching his nose he felt a small tap on his shoulder and as he turned around he saw the ever great Cristiano Ronaldo standing there with his hands clasped behind his back.

"Hi." The Portuguese simply stated and James could feel blood rush to his cheeks.

"H-Hola." he stuttered - and I'm making his very very gay.

Oh who cares anyways.

Cris smiled and grinned brightly at the smaller boy, "I never got your name" he lied.

"Oh it James Rodriguez, and yours?" James replied and asked the others name too just to act like he didn't stalk him on Facebook 

"It's Cristiano Ronaldo-" Cris said before talking out a piece of paper from his back pocket and putting it on towards James' chest and saying "- but you can call me anytime." 

And so he walked away leaving a very flustered James.

.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it even legal to be this trashy?


	9. You better check yourself before you wreck yourself [2]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pick up lines and bad life decisions (I basically just described my life)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You weren't expecting part 2 were you?

"He is going to message me, he is going to message me, he is going to message me-"

"-he's not going to message you."

"- Dammit Iker!" 

Currently the two Iberian boys were sitting in Cristiano's room while said Cristiano paced around, freaking out.

"What? I'm only telling the truth." Iker said innocently and gave Cris a cheeky smile.

"Well you can go suck Sergio's dic-"

_'1 new message from unknown'_

As the Portuguese glanced at his phone, he couldn't help but grin wickedly at the Spaniard. "Well look what I got Iker~"

Unknown:Is this Patty? if yes then I got u ur tampons.

Needless to say Iker was laughing his ass off and Cristiano just stared at his phone in sadness.

.

"I don't know 'cello. I just really really like him." Neymar said as Marcelo sat next to him sweating like a pig.

"Maybe you should just straight up ask him out" he said and mentally slapped himself across the face.

"I don't know about that either man, what if he says no?" Neymar replied in a sad tone that made Marcelo sweat even more.

"You better check yourself before you wreck yourself."

"What?"

"You better chec-"

"I know what you're saying but what do you mean by that?" Neymar asked and he saw a drop of sweat roll down Marcelo's forehead to his chin.

"It means you s-should go ask him out smoothly" Marcelo said and Neymar gave him a blank look.

"That's not what it means-

"-nope, no it's not."

Neymar sighed and patted Marcelo's back which made the Brazilian sweat beyond the point of normal sweating.

"but I guess, I will then."

Just as that Marcelo frantically took out his inhaler and made the cross on his chest - praying to God.

.

And that is how the situation came to this:

"Are you religious? Because you're the answer to all my prayers."

"What?" James giggled - f*cking giggled - and gave Neymar an odd look.

"I was feeling a little off today, but you definitely turned me on." Neymar stated smoothly.

"Neymar, what are you talking about" James questioned and smiled at the Brazilian.

_'you better check yourself before you wreck yourself'_

"What I'm trying to say James is that- um....would you like to go out tonight for dinner with me?"

What Neymar didn't know was Cristiano had just given James his number and-

Cue bomb explosion in James' mind, cue headless chickens running around - panicking, cue alarms going off everywhere.

"Sure."

Cue nervous break down in the middle of the hallway.

.

"He said yes!!~" Neymar yelled as he danced into the locker room again.

Marcelo sat quietly yet looked up at Neymar once he entered the room.

"He said yes to what?" the curly haired boy asked and Neymar grinned brightly at him.

"He said yes to dinner with me."

SANTA MARIA.

.

Later that day once everyone had gone home Bale was walking out the locker room only to find a trembling Marcelo on the floor.

"Are you okay lad?" The Brit asked and Marcelo shook his head and whimpered.

Bale looked confused and sat down on the floor next to the tan boy, "What happened Marcelo?" he asked the the other looked at Bale with tear filled eyes.

"I should have checked myself before I wrecked myself." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was a mistake.


	10. I'm out of ideas whoops.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where I write a small chapter so you guys don't hate me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHOUT OUT TO EVERYONE WHO COMMENTS! MAY HARAMBE BLESS YOUR SOUL.

"tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick toc-"

"can you not"

Neymar and David were casually sitting in the un-naturally blonde Brazilian's room waiting for it to finally be time for Neymar to go pick up James from their 'date'

"Sorry, the atmosphere needed to be more intense so i just thought I'd do a little sound affect."

Neymar stared at the other boy for a long time until he said "Why the fuck did I even befriend you?"

.

"YOU LOOK AMAZING NOW STFU"

"I DO NOT! I'M SO UGLY."

"YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN ME YOU ASSHOLE"

"AM NOT, YOU WHORE"

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME A WHOR-MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!"

"what was I thinking when I gave birth to you two?"

The Rodriguez house hold was going through hell currently as the son - James - was crying over how terrible he looked. Truth be said, he was more gorgeous than most women in my country like wtf.

"James, son. You look alright so please stop creating hell in this house because your little sister is trying to sleep" his father said pointing at the little girl standing behind him in her night suit , clutching his leg with her tiny fat hands whilst staring at her two siblings.

"Aye, okay. Sorry papa." James said and glanced at his sister who nodded her head.

This was by fact going to be a long night.

.

"So like, I mean you could go and ruin the date and stuff...." Marcelo said as he stared at the angry Portuguese pacing around his room.

"and make James hate me forever? sureeee." Cris replied and Marcelo rolled his eyes at the other.

"Then no need to been so bitchy, just calm down and talk to James later - maybe he doesn't really like Neymar that much?"

"So you're saying that he went on a DATE with Neymar for no reason?" 

"No, I'm saying that you should stop being a pussy and take what is yours."

"And how do I do that?"

Marcelo stared at Cristiano with a evil grin as the Portuguese stared back.

"Marcelo no."

"Marcelo yes."

Well shit.

 


	11. IM BACK TO MAKE MORE MISTAKES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mist a K E S.

The evening started absolutely normal, which was new because absolutely nothing seemed to be normal. 

Neymar decided to take the absolutely adorable Colombian to a small cafe near his house because he was kinda broke and the old lady that owned it gave him free drinks every time he visited 

"mind if I play some music?" Neymar asked and James smiled whilst passing a small small. 

**_'Forget about your boyfriend and meet me at hotel roo-'_ **

Neymar abruptly changed the song because well yikes (it's a good song tho) 

**_'if you're gay then you're gay-'_ **

James let out a small chuckle at the lyrics as Neymar changed it 

**_'cause if boys will be boys then we cover for the better-'_ **

**_'it okay to be gay, lets rejoice with the boys in a gay way!-'_ **

**_'first time he kissed a bo-'_ **

Neymar was silently hyperventilating as he tried to look for a song that didn't have to be related to homosexuality. 

"gosh just pass me the aux boi" James giggled and added a cringe worthy "boi" instead of a "boy". 

Neymar did as told and turned his attention to the road like he was suppose to as the driver of that goddamn car.

 ** _'Ya'll haters corny with that illuminati mess, paparazzi catch my fly and my cocky fresh'_** (im not even sure if the lyrics are right nor do i really care) 

Least to say the queen saved the day.

.

"Marcelo! your feet smell like shit man." Ronaldo squealed in a extremely manly way which kinda sounded like chicken getting deepthroat - if that made sense (?) 

"They wouldn't have if you would have let me taken a shower after practice but nooOOOoooOOOo you had to drag me into your fucked up love life-"

"Marcelo! stop complaining you puto and move you feet away." 

I really don't wanna explain but fuck it

the two were currently outside said cafe, hiding in a bush - more like sitting behind one and looking at the parking lot forgetting the fact that there are people walking in the side walk silently judging the two teenagers. 

In simpler words this was gonna be a very long night which could possibly end in disaster. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all liked this even though it's really short but meh i got bored and ran out of ideas so i thought i'd end it here. Also, i'm thinking about starting a youtube channel because apparently my lame jokes and dark humor is amusing to some people so lemme know if i should or not (probably won't because i have major anxiety but meh)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked it!~I didn't even edit it so sorry bruh but I'll try and make the next chappy better~   
> PS:sorry 'bout my English,it's not my first language so you might see a ton of Grammar mistakes


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